when i write i feel very
un-profound. not that my aim in writing is to
be profound, but the lack of impact and importance, the absence of meaning, irritates me.
unfortunately i have an innate desire to express myself with words, which i have tried to stifle with memories of failure. tonight i give in.
writing is a way to express your thoughts, get them out of your head into the world to be judged and absorbed, making the writer vulnerable but present.
today is an important day in my life for 3 reasons, one is personal, one is seasonal, and one is national.
THREE GOOD REASONS TO BEGIN TO BLOG AGAIN:
1. i am happy. this is a remarkable thing in deed.
2. today was the first snowfall of winter. i have very mixed feelings about this, which i will discuss later.
3. our country has chosen it's new leader, and although i didn't educate myself thoroughly enough to judge or debate my opinions (the few i have), i did feel rather sick last night watching the results.
DISCUSSION OF SAID THREE REASONS:
there are uncomfortable times in life when you feel as though you are about to sneeze. it is unpleasant, urgent, top priority, and very distracting. i compare my life to this type of moment, although i now have the relief of actually having sneezed and now getting on with my day. i am happy, for the moment, in a slow way. i have a job. i do not have a schedule. i have reduced my responsibilities to the absolute necessary and minimal, and i feel fine. i do not dread the next day, like i have in the past. this is a feat, seeing that even when a day is not so bad, or the next after that, if there is a bad day looming in the future it is difficult to forget it and keep the present day a happy one. i don't have any
loomers at the moment, and i am happy.
a happy thing is my car. it is legally registered now, functioning, and the heater works. i have also learned to drive it thanks to my brilliant and eternally optimistic cousin. the only sad thing about the whole deal is that the steering wheel was replaced upside-down when they replaced the ignition right before i bought it. it will cost me $100 for the mechanic to fix it, so for the moment i drive with it upside down. i have to twist my neck slightly to see my dashboard while i drive, but it is still operating which is an improvement of last week.
the snow was pretty. i love it when snow falls. i never get tired of that. it's only afterward that bothers me, the mud and slush and ugly piles of ice all of the city that create hazards and eyesores. i don't even mind the cold when there is a good snowfall from a gray sky. i don't like it when there is a blue sky and snow on the ground. it's like wearing a dark brown shirt with black pants. some people may not mind, but in my mind it clashes unforgivably.
last night. the election.
yesterday i heard a joke:
"Obama is most definitely going to win- the bible says that the world will end in abomination. Obama Nation."
Ha ha?