getting personal

today i came across the blog called "divorced at 20." i love reading blogs where people express themselves honestly and unashamedly. it's so interesting to read about total strangers lives. sometimes i wish i were brave enough to post about my life that way, but i always wonder how appropriate or socially acceptable it is to post things that people normally don't talk about, without it being anonymous. even the post from last night about my new jeans makes me slightly anxious. it makes me a bit vulnerable which i tend to avoid at all costs. honestly sharing yourself and your life opens you up to judgment and invalidation, but it is probably really freeing at the same time. i think it's brave.

sometimes i wish i could publicly talk about the events that have made the past year and a half a total crapper, why i avoid people, why i live in sweats, or how i really feel about the big topics (religion, sex, politics). it would be liberating to freely discus the imperfections and trails that i have. instead, i joke about things, make light of really heavy situations, and gloss over the deep emotions when i do share my life with people. on my blog, i barely even acknowledge things.

for example, this post was intentionally so vague. what i really wanted to write was how the picture of my feet is in the police station, how the closure was found in confronting a detective who mistreated me and mishandled my case. i wanted to write about how significant the experience was, but it was in the "too personal for the public's comfort" category. maybe i'll be brave enough to post honestly someday.

why do we do that? why can't we be raw, emotional beings and not judge or condemn each other for it, or be afraid of being judged or condemned? i don't think there isn't a single living soul free of personal demons.

sometimes the thought of my private life being public information is appealing because then it's not just my personal burden. would it be inappropriate to heal through blogging? would it be admirable? would it be a disaster? i don't know if i'll ever be brave enough to find out.

every time i read a blog, a book, an article where really personal, ugly things are shared, it makes me feel respect for the person brave enough to be honest. a while ago i was at barns and nobel flipping through books and came across a self help book about being happy. it starts with the author's personal story which makes the book better because she isn't preaching without experience. she talks about how she was sexually assaulted by a friend and how it took a year to start to live again. she was a self help, motivational speaker and felt bad because she wasn't taking her own advice. i wish i could remember the name of the book. i was actually jealous that she could so unashamedly talk about such a horrific experience where anyone could see, knowing that people she will never even be aware of will know something so personal. it's so brave! also, because she's willing to be up front, honest, and personal, the book is much more credible. she's able to help a lot of people because she doesn't keep that a secret.

maybe someday, if it could help someone, i'll try writing personally like that. i definitely have enough material to fill a blog.

any thoughts or comments about this topic?