new home

i am in a new home- i moved to orem, utah, yesterday morning. i like it. my big window faces directly west, and i enjoyed a lovely glow as the sun set tonight. really, it's perfect.

soon i'll have a roommate. i hope i like her, and vice versa. i still haven't met any of the other 4 girls who live here.

you know how sometimes you start driving on auto pilot and then suddenly you arrive at a destination and feel like you are jolted awake? you know how disconcerting it feels to realize you are where you were going, but you don't remember the drive to get there?

i had a moment like that today, but not with driving. i was laying on my new bed after unpacking a bit, looked around at the boxes that hold my possessions, looked out the window at the new view that i will be seeing daily, and i felt a moment of panic:

where am i? i don't know anybody here. i feel more at home when i go to work at the rehab house than anywhere else right now. what? what is going on? how did i get here? this is where i've been struggling for so long to arrive at. i don't really know how i got here. how did i get in this place? is this really what i want? am i going to be happy? lonely? productive? content? isolated? comfortable? i felt very weird for a moment. that disconnecting feeling, the disassociation as i now know it as making me feel like my life has been a blur and i haven't been living in it. somebody else lived for me, until that very moment when i was startled into reality, randomly.

lucky for me, lately i have so much

work work work.

i just got a second job, at a call center. i start on monday. hello, year round 50-60 hour work weeks. goodbye, chance of a social life. of any life.

oh well! i've gots to make the moneys. there's not really any choice, but i'm okay with it! kind of excited, actually. i've never been consistently this busy in my entire life.

i'm learning (a few years late) that's what being an adult entails, for the most part.

2 week trip with my family is appearing on the horizon of my isolated existence! oh sweet mercy, thank you for this coming vacation. the next week is going to be hecka stressful with a brand new job on top of a gotten-used-to job, living arrangement, and a wedding, but the reward will be so worth it! we're going to watch harry potter every night and play on the gorgeous beaches of florida.

then, on to real life. always.

***

also, ironic story:

last night i was SO HAPPY to be driving to my new apartment for the first time. i only have a 10 minute commute from here to work compared to the 45 minute commute i've made for several months from south jordan. part of my excitement was the fact that i was going to have a turn around shift for the second time this week, meaning i worked from 2-10pm yesterday, and had work again this morning from 6am-2pm. oh, cruel irony! as i pulled on the highway, traffic halted. literally stopped. why? damn utah construction. i sat at a stand still for literally 15 minutes before i could slowly make my way back to my new place, which is conveniently located just past the heart of the road reconstruction disaster.