“Simply the thing that I am shall make me live.” -William Shakespeare

"i am seeking, i am striving, i am in it with all my heart." - vincent van gogh

"don't ask what the world needs. ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - howard thurman

"nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - maria robinson

"tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - mary oliver

"follow your bliss" - joseph campbell

"go confidently in the direction of your dreams. live the life you have imagined." - henry david thoreau

life

i attempted taking a picture of myself for this post because it's about me, but sophia HAD to be in it. good thing, it's way better with her:) after a ton of pics (these are just my favorites), she started getting upset because she wanted to change the photo booth effect to something fun. sepia is just NOT interesting to a 3 year old.

anyway, i read these lists filled out by gina at warm pears. check out her photography. i love her art, but her life is so interesting as well. she's an american girl who sold all her things to live in italy for a year. she just left. i don't know if i'll ever have the chance to travel, but in my heart i feel like a wanderer too.

10 years ago today i would have been...

.:11

.:reading for hours a day and eating full boxes of cheese its in one setting

.:memorizing the bone structure of cats and dogs from images on google so that i could be a veterinarian

.:writing - journals, poetry, novels.

5 years ago today i would have been...

.:angry

.:recovering

.:swimming

.:scrap-booking

1 year ago today i would have been...

.:happy

.:an efy counselor and having the best summer of my life up to this point

.:registering for my last year of classes

.:filling out a cafe rio punch card

this year i am...

.:searching and searching

.:growing up emotionally, financially, and spiritually

.:living in south jordan

.:a professional photographer

today i...

.:took a nap!

.:plowed through some work

.:cleaned 3 bathrooms (surprisingly satisfying and possibly the highlight of my day)

.:romped with kids on the grass

next year i hope to...

.:buy a car

.:feel successful

.:go somewhere exciting that isn't utah or texas

in 5 years i hope to...

.:have progressed exponentially in everything i'm doing now

.:be excited for the rest of my life

yes.

i found this in my computer files recently.

i didn't create it but i may as well have.

a view

from one of my favorite places in utah valley.

perfect day

we took my grandpa's boat out to utah lake today (me, dad, tay, <-- his friend amy, and our cousin brian). my job: back the boat into the water (successful), and then at the end of the day, back the trailer into the water to re-load the boat (failed). i couldn't even back it up out of the parking space and had to walk back in defeat to give my dad the keys. in between those two events we took the boat out for a few hours. the lake was smooth like glass, perfect for skiing!!! i'd like to say that i got up on the first go and that i did something cool, but i'd be lying. i can say that i did get up eventually, but after a few minutes quit it because my arms were dead. lame. tomorrow i'm going to wake up in so much pain, i just know it. we went to in-n-out burger afterwords (thanks dad!), and then all took naps in grandma's basement. extended family all got together for dinner at allaire's house that night which was awesome. too bad i forgot to bring my camera because i really wanted to take pictures of everyone! i love my family. i love having something to belong to and people to belong with. it's the best thing i have going for me right now (and always)!

the drive home from mapleton (allaire's home) was such a great end to the day. we had the windows down and the air was crisp and PERFECT. i loved it. jack johnson, utah summer night, stars, the country.. perfect. life is good:)

the afternoon with nothing to do

i will be living with these darlings in south jordan for the next while, so you will have to get used to seeing their faces all over my blog. since they're all beauties it'll be okay:) this afternoon after subjecting ourselves to painful entertainment (the disney channel show "sonny with a chance") for too long, i grabbed the girls and took them outside for a quickie photo shoot on the back porch. someday i'll capture their genuine smiles:)

marian's tooth could come out at any second, but she's been resisting the event for a week:

STORY TIME: i was snapping a bunch of cute pictures of marian as seen on the left below, and saw sophia's body come into the frame. i turned my camera up to get her face, and saw the picture seen on the right. i have been bursting into hysterics all day each time i remember this:

when everyone had come outside but evan, i ran to get him hoping we could take a cute group photo. after 5 minutes they were all there, and sitting. this was the only shot i was able to get before someone stormed off, taken as i was asking them over and over to hug and smile with almost no response. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA:

daniel is so cool. he came up with a rap song today describing the bloody nose he got when some kid side swiped his face with a cleat at football camp this morning. also, we kind of matched today. awesome, i dress like an 11 year old boy.

this last photo was taken later on my cell phone. sophia is a HOOT. seriously if you spend any time focussing attention on her or what she's doing, you'll cry laughing. so what she said to me before taking this picture was "be HAPPY header, be happy!" and made this face. after she saw the picture she said "no, HAPPY header!!" i guess my smile wasn't big enough to convince her i was happy. haha. sometimes when we're playing or whatever, she'll give me some really huge hugs randomly and say "i'm happy, header! i'm happy!!!"

one more story about my darling: i wanted her to give me a kiss because she's stingy with them but they're so sweet. i've been calling her kitty because she's like a cat when she doesn't want to be held- there's no keeping hold of her. she was trying to get away and to get her attention i said "sophie! i have a secret to tell you!" and then whispered "will you please give me a kiss?" in her ear. she got very excited about doing this and so with a big smile on her face she whispered in my ear "no kiss! no kiss!" i made a sad face. she said "you're turn! your turn header!" so i whispered "please, sophie? please can i have a kiss?" she said "my turn!" and whispered in my ear "i said no!" she was laughing and smiling so much. she liked the "secrets" thing a lot. i'll have to remember that. by the way, she finally changed her mind and gave me a baby kiss:) haha. so cute.

away from it all

my dad is in town because he loves me. this has been a rough couple of weeks but somehow my dad knows how to make things okay again. last night after getting some stuff done we went to dinner. we shared the sushi pictured below, and then took a drive up through the mountains behind draper temple while the sun was setting. we ended up at the temple and sat on the lawn to watch the sun set. i love quiet moments like that. i haven't done that for a while and last night i remembered how much my soul NEEDS that- to get away to a high place where i can appreciate beauty and leave my problems down below. i have spent the past year discovering beautiful places in utah valley and it's changed my perspective on utah. maybe because my only experience was provo, i thought utah was ugly. the truth is the opposite though, utah is actually very beautiful. i've even found several places in provo that blow my mind. also, all of these photos were taken with his new iphone. i must get me one of those at some point, because i take pictures like crazy with my terrible phone camera. these are amazing considering how little light there was:

sophia in the window.

i have to share this gem. i said "sophia, strike a pose!" and she did:

tonight she didn't stop talking/laughing/yelling/bossing/giggling/jabbering for about 40 minutes. maybe 2 hours. we played some funny face games, took a million pictures on photobooth, hugged/kissed/laughed hysterically the entire time. she's getting the mail with her dad now, but i had an amazing time:)

"maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano"

i learned how to shoot the sun this week:

ah, life.

THE GOOD

i won a photography contest! best thing ever! something went right this month.

i moved to south jordan last night, last minute decision.

THE BAD

..

I FEEL LIKE

salmon swimming upstream

half moon

crust

sloth

not the marshmallows in lucky charms

swiss cheese

i'll probably be back in provo tomorrow at some point.

note worthy goings-on, somewhat out of order

i spent the night in south jordan on sunday. i am in love with sophia. i love that she calls me "my header" as in "look mom, i found my header!" which is what she says every time i come over. ha, love love love. i loved these so much i had to edit them a bit in PS, even though the resolution is crappy:

family portrait:

i think it would be hilarious to take a family picture like this for christmas cards sometime. maybe i can convince my family to do it when i'm home in a few weeks:D HAHAHAHAHA best christmas card EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

sometime last week i went to janey's final dress fitting.. her dress is gorgeous and is a perfect match. janey definitely found her dress!!! it only took 3 stores to find it, woot, and on the first day of shopping too! ahh i can't believe she's getting married, she's not mine anymore!!!

last saturday i went to nickel city with holly. i won the jackpot game.. 100 tickets!!!!!! woooooo!! all together i had about 450 tickets at the end of the night, which is more than i've ever won

we pooled our winnings and bought matching/cool accessories:

i rediscovered my mac photobooth.. it's the bomb-diggity:

yesterday was my bro damon's 20th birthday, he still in denver colorado serving a mission for the LDS church.. his 1 year mark is at the end of this month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i put a package together for him, including this dinosaur that reminded me of him for some reason.

i loved on it for a while so i could send him love in a package, and also so that when he needs a love we can hug via the dinosaur. i'm hoping he comes up with an awesome name for it and tells me.

the grey blanket in these last two photos is a new purchase, it's a delicious microfiber blanket i bought recently. when i make my bed someday i'll post a picture so you can see how cute my bed is. maybe i love it just because i LOVE the colors, gray blanket, a large pink embroidered pillow, my white pillow, and a green body pillow. also my stuffed friends, spencer-cow and bear. since i am lazy, currently in my bed, and not in the mood to document it yet, here is the color scheme i quickly created in photoshop:

since i'm already in bed and i've exhausted myself working hard on this post, i think i'm going to roll over and take a nap. ahhhhh summer. ahhhhhhh self employment with flexible hours and month long hiatuses. ahhhhhhhhh awesome sound tracks to work/play/sleep to. currently playing is "glamorous indie rock and roll" by the killers but i'm in a more low key mood so also on today's soundtrack:

"virginia" chris merritt

"paperweight" joshua radin and schuyler fisk

"streetlight" joshua radin

"yellow" jem

"love like a sunset" phoenix

pretty mellow today.

we all secretly share the same fears and dreams

i'm cleaning out my computer and while doing so i found this art by kim smith. i love saving images i find online, i have hundreds saved on my hard drive. soon i'll upload a bunch to share:) i love this quote and i love poppies.. they're my favorite flowers i think.

three photos making me happy that i must share immediately:

i just barely woke up. i got up to brush my teeth because my mouth smelled like something died in it, and when i came back to my bed i saw it like this:

i was so happy at the sight of white fluffiness to crawl back into, plus i loved the blue color of my body pillow, my happy stuffed cow and bear awaiting my return, and my fan making it a cool haven! i had to take a picture. and then i had to share it.

i was going to blog this second picture a couple of days ago, it is ov (i just tried to write "of" and "ov" came out. HAHAHAHA. i think i'll leave it) my lovely car outside of the laundromat. it was a cloudy day, but the clouds were dark like they are right before rain. it's my favorite weather, SO moody and mellow. ahhhhhh i wish more days were like this! anyway, that's why i love the picture.. my car+moody weather=love.

this third image is of a journal i bought yesterday. i LOVE it. i think i might display it in my room so that i'm reminded every day of what i'm trying to do. right now i'm arranging my life so that i can pursue my dreams. i have so many goals that are making me SO excited! most of them involve my photography business. oh my goodness i have so much to do and it's EXCITING!!!!