the past 3 months have felt somewhat like hell. you know, a seemingly endless fiery furnace, a bit of teeth gnashing, a bit of misery. BUT! there's a happy ending. actually, a happy BEGINNING because happiness is once again in my vocabulary, and my life.. i'm moving forward.
personal story:
3 months and 3 days ago, something really bad happened. it wasn't my fault, but it directly affected me in some big ways. the person responsible for this upheaval is no longer a part of my life, and to my knowledge will never attempt to make amends. i was so ANGRY and it was poisoning me a
a week ago i had this impression that i should start going to institute, immediately. on monday i went to class and guess what the lesson ended up being about? yep. forgiveness. i asked a question at the beginning of the lesson and it ended up dominating class time which i appreciated. that lesson sparked some intense personal study and prayer. the result is really personal but i just can't keep quiet: I believe in God. Jesus the Christ is my Savior. His love is overwhelming. His grace is sufficient for ALL. i posted this in an earlier quote, but i have to say it again in my own words: i stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me. I am sufficient for Him to own, redeem, and to justify. that has become enough for me.
something that my institute teacher gave me was the visual of a broken heart, which we are told is necessary. how can God penetrate a heart that is hard? only when our hearts are broken open, God can place mercy, compassion, and the healing balm of love, peace, reassurance, hope, and joy inside. if you don't allow your heart to break, how can the pride, misery, anger, and self destructive beliefs held so close ever be released?
this is my testimony: Christ heals. His atonement enables Him to help us perfectly through all of our pain, because HE KNOWS. His grace was sufficient to help me when i did not have the capacity to do as He asks all of us, and forgive another person. His grace enabled that forgiveness, and is now helping me heal. this was the first week of the rest of my life, which so far has been amazing.
i LOVE Him, because He first loved me. (1 john 4:19) He loved (and continuously loves), in the nurturing, caring, awareness, presence, and literal kind of way. my love for Him is more of the amazed, grateful, need-you-like-oxygen kind of love.
my happiness is also because:
- my family is AMAZING. i'd literally be lost and living in a cave without them (both immediate and extended)
- my friends are dear, incredible human beings. i wouldn't be nearly as inspired to live a good life without their existence in mine.
- i have found music to express what i cannot.
- the people in my new ward family at church are really really good people. i've started talking to them, and it made my day today.
- there are so many things to be grateful for. seriously, i'm so blessed.
fyi, this post was prompted by a lady's question in my relief society meeting today. she said she had no idea how to forgive someone who she felt she deserved an apology from. she asked how you go about forgiving when you don't think you'll get that apology? someone else gave the exact answer i would have, based on personal experience: you PRAY. get on your knees, pour out your heart. then, ask the Lord to give you His charity, pray for the person who wronged you (hard, but do it), and allow His love to change you. i promise, the hardest part is having the desire to forgive. it took me a long time, although considering the situation maybe it wasn't very long at all. on this side of it, all i can say is, it works. we just have to allow it, it's not that we actually DO it. which is a relief, because honestly, there are times when we just can't. not alone.
ALSO, other reasons why today is great:
we had bacon for dinner (seriously, how could any day be bad when you're eating bacon? i'll start the diet tomorrow;) haha)
and, marian made a marshmallow/toothpick flower for me to enjoy:
2 comments:
This is what happened to me this summer and what I was trying to explain. I bawled my head off reading your post! I am so happy for you. I love you!
Thank you Jen! I love you too!
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